It was 1978, and I was engaged to be married. But I was only 19, and had doubts about starting a marriage before I had even found myself. That sounds like a cliche, but I was very unsure. Or maybe it was the man I was unsure about.
As a kid, I was always serious and driven. Work before play and all that was how I was raised. He was raised much different. Part of his appeal for me was just that, no anchor, no direction, free to do as he wanted. In hindsight, I can see that lifestyle might have looked good, but didn't work for me.
So I dated an older man .... and I was torn. I spent as much time as I could with him, and I was in love. And hurting. On a whim, he and I visited his parents... wise and friendly folks willing to talk. I was so at home with them, we stayed and watched TV. Turns out, Helter Skelter was being televised. For some reason, every time I see a blurb about the movie, I go back to thinking about Ron and his parents, and a lost love.
In the end, after telling my folks I didn't want to get married, they had me counseled by their Pastor, by relatives, and in the end I felt so guilty about the pain they were feeling that I ended up going through with the marriage.
There's a secret part of me that remembers walking down that aisle wishing Ron would rescue me like a knight in shining armor, but that only happens in fairy tales.
Maybe times are better now, more communication toward young girls, more accepting of situations, or choices. I wouldn't want to be a teen again, things are too different.
But I still have those feelings, those memories, from time to time. It reminded me yet again when I saw an ad for Helter Skelter. Guess Ron is my guy who got away.
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