Sheltered In

I've had five days with family visiting, and it's been wonderful!   There are two parts of this that made my life easier:  enough people to keep Sadie entertained so that she sleeps very well at night, and I can go to bed and other people in the house will lock up and shut things down. 

At the same time, there were moments when having 6 people in my 1000 sq foot house where I thought we'd all go a little nuts because we're underfoot or on top of each other as we're trying to do things.   But we all survived!!

Because of COVID-19, many of the activities planned were shut down, and there wasn't a Plan B.  Luckily, the weather held and the girls were able to hang at the pool and play some volleyball.  Today was cut short because a thunderstorm blew in around noon and they wanted to get home before it hit. 

Being "sheltered in" around the country is a wonderful time to start new traditions, resurrect some old traditions and just spend some quality time with your loved ones.  Put down your phone, turn off the TV, grab a board game or two from the back of the closet and see what comes of it.  If you've forgotten the rules, make them up as you go and have fun with it!  It's amazing what kids will talk about when their hands are busy, or there's a game going on. 

Focus on what you CAN do , and on what you HAVE, and quit worrying about what you can't do, or don't have.  There's no better way to get closer to your loved ones than being "sheltered in".

It won't be for forever,
and life will go back to how it was.
Enjoy it!
Family time matters

Family, Spring Break and Memories

Dear Brian,

What a bittersweet weekend this has been. 

Tee and family is here for spring break. 

We did a bunch of touristy things yesterday,

with our last stop at Hole in the Rock.







It was one of the places you and I would

dash off to when there was a need to get out,

and brought up so many thoughts of you.


But I came,  I saw,  I conquered


The sunset was amazing!

A Sign from Heaven?

Dear Brian:

Do you remember this first time you got really, really drunk?  We were living in Trotwood, and you were outside on the front stoop singing very loudly.  I had to open the window and tell you to get your drunk ass to bed.   In the moment, I didn't find it very funny, but looking back, it always made me chuckle.

Why am I reminding you of this?  Because Brianna was sneaking alcohol at the party/BBQ yesterday; she came home and took herself off to bed.  She got "the munches" about an hour later and ate three slices of pizza.  An hour after that, she was puking her guts up.  I had to call her parents home because she said she needed her mom.  At 1AM she thought she was going to take a shower, even though she could barely stand without being dizzy; then said she would be taking a bath.  I put a stop to both of those!!  She sipped water and got back into bed, finally asleep.

Let me tell ya, I'm overly tired from all this!  I don't EVER stay up this late.  Ugh. 

But today, as the kids were gathering up all their things, Tanya opened the fridge and out rolled one of your Mt Dew and a Pepsi from the dispenser.  She stood there, her mouth wide open, and said "WTF?"  I laughed, told her it was you, trying to get her attention.  I hope you try a few more times, she needs a jolt or two.

After the kids left, my entire house smells like fresh cut lumber -
just like you smelled after working all night in the lumber dept.
I'm sure it's your way of letting me know that you're OK,
and watching over me. 

I miss you every day!
Love,
Mom

The Whole Family

Dear Brian:

It's Friday.  Tomorrow is your Celebration of Life service, and the entire family has flown in.  Lori and Grandma arrived on Wednesday; David, Krissy and Anthony on Friday; the rest of the crew arrived today.   So good to see family, but we're sad because of the reason.  It shouldn't take a funeral to get families together.  Just sayin'. 

Because of the heat, we all headed out to Arizona Mills mall and walked around, then had lunch in the Rainforest Cafe.  It was fun, innovative, and certainly appealed to children!  You know how it is with family, you end up having the best discussions around a meal -- even when you're not hungry.  Dinner last night was at Red Robin, with endless fries.  We left an empty chair at the table for you.

Its odd to feel the pull and tug of being happy to see your family, and sad that you're not here with me any longer.  Sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and sleep through it all.  Sometimes I think getting sick in the bathroom will make me feel better - even though I know it won't.  But I trudge on and enjoy the little conversations, pieces of family life that gets shared. 

I truly wish I didn't have to do all this.
Seriously.
But I can't change what happened, I can only hope that you have found your peace.
I love you.
Mom.

Thoughts and Prayers

There have been so many well wishers during this struggling time for me.  Ok, so it's more than struggling.  In many ways, it's devastating!  And they're much appreciated.  Mostly.   Well, let me explain.  It's easy to get busy with the task of living, which makes the struggle slide into the background if only for a few minutes or even an hour.  When there are kind words from someone, it brings it all back with a vengeance, and it's almost as if the hurt is very fresh all over again.  I'd liken it to ripping a band-aid off and the sting is fresh.  Ouch!

Out of the blue, I had a note from Josh G.  When we lived in Ohio, our household of six kids was "the place to hang" for the rest of the neighborhood.  Josh was one of those kids who ran with the rest of my brood.  He was younger than most of them, and often quiet, but I remember him fondly.  His mother and I had an arrangement, if you'd spank your own kid for misbehaving, you can do the same to mine.  And I reciprocated!  If she felt one of mine needed to be disciplined, have at it!  And all the kids knew it.  Good times. !

Another out of the blue was from my ex in Ohio.  His son passed away 10 years ago, wow it's been 10 years! Where does the time fly.  But you never really get over losing a child, and he knows that first hand and offered comfort. 

It's amazing how just when you think things are bad, that you're "all alone", someone reaches out and you know that you're not.

For anyone feeling "all alone" right now, my thoughts and prayers go out to you!