Coupled Up?

It's 4am, and I am wide awake.  Not because I've had enough sleep.  I woke up because of dehydration and a headache.... I had a couple glasses of wine last night.  And why not?  It IS Christmas.  :)  Although a good reason not to have some -- I have never been one who enjoys drinking alone.  It just sounds .... lonely.

But the wine made it possible for me to sleep without remembering dreams.  Which is probably a good thing.  Lately, they've been puzzling, and feeling more real than they should. 

I decided to toss the coins - I don't usually give it a try at this hour of the day.  The messages can be difficult to interpret, and my brain isn't at my best at this hour of the morning - especially pre-caffeine!!

53: Gradual Development
Being at the beginning of a gradual development. As a beginner it is easy to run into trouble. As that is to be expected, there is no blame. It is a good idea to talk about the situation with the people concerned.

Well now.  What could be developing? 
Who are the people concerned? 

I know that a secret corner of my heart wishes it to be something in particular.   But I don't allow my mind to even think those thoughts any longer.  So I tossed them again, to see if there would be something else that would give me  clue,

32: Permanence
A permanent situation. There is progress, and nothing is wrong with it. It is good to go on, preferably according to some kind of plan.

So... is this development going to be something permanent?  It seems to be indicating that!  Because I'm an optimist, I find hope in that.  But in reality, maybe its not  a good development, but something I don't particularly want.  Could it be job related?  A new position in a new store might be warranted -- ours seems to be falling apart.  Or maybe its more like a ship without a rudder -- no one's steering the ship!! 

OK, they say that admission is the first step to recovery.
So I have to admit that when I toss the coins,
I'm usually trying apply it to my "love life".  
Of which there isn't one.
and so I have to chuckle at myself
(because laughing is less painful than crying)

I tell myself over and over again as I listen to the other girls at work talk about the men in their lives, that I'm glad that I don't have to deal with the stuff they do.  Its perfectly fine with me to live on my own, do what I want, when I want, without having to worry if my own wishes are interfering with someone else's.  But when it comes down to it, no one likes being alone all the time. 

Having someone to share life with would have more on the positive side than the negative side -- right?  Someone convince me!  haha

Then again, maybe not. 
Three marriages in my past tells me that
maybe I'm not meant to be coupled up.