Nothing

I loved him for years
for way too long
as I look back on it.

I keep waiting for the anger
to overwhelm me in a frenzy
of emotions

By the same token,
I keep waiting for the tears
to overwhelm me in a frenzy
of a different kind of emotions.

It wouldn't be the first time
I felt either of these
when it comes to this man.

But so far,  not a bit of either.
Sure, there are moments,
very brief

I keep thinking there will be
a whole weekend or more
of either, or both.

 Nothing.

And maybe that's just as bad.
Being numb.

I think and rethink conversations
and wonder about the how
and where and why and when
I believed, and never questioned.

And the answer I come up with?
Nothing.
*sigh*