A Letter

Dear Friend:

What would I say if I sat down to write you a letter? 

This is a hard time for me.  And I've been trying to find peace within myself in order to maintain our friendship.  But your revelation didn't change anything for you;  you are still in the same position you were in before.  But it changed everything for me.  I believed in a man who promised "someday"; that we would share a life, that we would have a future together.  The dream, that hope, was ripped to shreds.  And I have to have space to get it in my brain that what I believed in can never be.  That our friendship is all it will ever be.  And it will take some time.

I'm trying not to assign blame -- because  there are always two people that allow this to happen:  one to perpetuate it, one to believe it.  In some ways, I blame myself, because I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself and say "bullshit" -- tell me the truth.  Sometimes its easier to believe in an illusion. 

I've had moments where I panic and think WTH was I doing?  But as I always say about my past, there are always good things in a relationship, even the ones that end, or we wouldn't have been in them in the first place.   In my heart, I believe we're good for each other - and no one or no situation can take that away.

It was the longest day ever for me.  All I really wanted to do was talk to you, to grab my phone and send you a text; to log on and have a convo with you.  But I just can't right now.  Know that I miss you, and our long talks, our little smiles throughout the day. 

Love,
~Gal