Not Ready

shit.  What a way to start a blog.  But the thought of letting go, of losing my best friend, is mind numbing.  A couple of weeks ago, I forced myself to stop wearing my thumb ring.  Even though it wasn't from him, I've been associating it with him for a long time.  And now I'm venturing into POF to start a little bit of social contact.  There are some circumstances in my life that won't change, probably can't change, and here I am.  Trying to find my own happiness in the little things, in taking my pictures and sharing them with people. 

One of the things Helen asked me is, if he's that unhappy, why does he stay?  (I can't answer that, but I make assumptions)  This is a world that doesn't carry any stigma against divorce any longer.  Shit happens.  We move on.  Yesterday, he sent a text that said "time to start thinking of a new future".  And frankly, its been close to eight years now since we met. He's been unhappy with things for a long time.  And its been more than 18 months since he told me he loved me.  So my answer back was "No, its time to start taking steps. But you're not ready."  And he didn't text me back after that.  To me, that was telling -- he's not going to leave any time soon, probably never will.   Its so bad for me to stay connected - it keeps me hoping in vain.   Logically, I know I shouldn't be doing this.  If I were stoic, it would be easier.  Time to move on.

I tossed the coins, to see what my answer to that will be:    

41. Reduction

 Finishing matters, proceeding hurriedly. 

Without fault.

Consider diminishing them.

Finishing what one is working on in a hurry, in order to be able to move on. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps one can diminish the amount of work in some way.

Does that say it all??????