B D S M, Thanks Sir

Does that get your attention??  *giggles*  It brings to mind Fifty Shades of Grey.

One of the things that internet chat relay allows you to do is explore alternative lifestyle choices.   And I did.

I met several nice people, they were patient, allowed me to question the how's and why's for whatever came to mind.  And I'm grateful. 

A part of this had to do with growing up with an emotionally immature, controlling, perfectionist mother.  It became a part of me to learn that love = being needed. And I spent my life being needed. Even with husbands.  Made for one sided relationships.

Once I moved away from mom, then separated from my last husband, I needed something different. And BDSM filled the need.  And then I was ... taken under protection by Sir. 

In some ways it was like being young and having a parent ... teach.  With so much going on, it was easy to put off doctor and dentist appointments. Sir ... encouraged me to make the needed appointments.  When my ex refused to start divorce paperwork, Sir prodded me to take over and get it done.

At the same time, Sir took time to know me and my wants. i wanted to have my own "house with a white picket fence". So He sent me a single picket --- to get started and to keep the dream alive.  i still have that picket on my wall in the kitchen.

When my computer crashed, I received a huge box .... inside was a refurbished computer. But even better, it was loaded with programs i never dreamed of having. My favs were Adobe Photoshop and Nero. i still use them to this day.  And a lifetime subscription to mIRC.

This different lifestyle was what i needed at that time in my life.  i needed to know that i didn't have to be the one making all the decisions.  Someone else had my back, carried the load. 

Eventually, real life won out and and i needed to make some major decisions, one of them leaving Ohio for Arizona.  Being in Ohio meant i was only hours from Sir, but that was one of the choices ... life as i knew it, or the new lifestyle. Sir was willing, and would have taken care of me.  But i had other responsibilities, namely my son.

Every now and then, i think back to what life could have been and start missing Sir. He was on my mind last night, and i was tempted to send Him a message and let Him know. 

Sir, You are remembered kindly.