Fall Is Here!

This morning when I woke up, it was 57 degrees---- Fall is Here!  Finally!!

I took a walk around noon, 70 degrees, sun is shining high in the sky.  And I felt so good!

I was searching on Google today about old souls and intuition. I have allowed my mom so much of my time and my headspace that my intuition seems to be hibernating. No more. 

I have to be me. And I want the me I used to be--- not this current version that has turned into the person I was before I left California.

I never wanted to be like Mom and found that moving away was the only way I could become me. She had a way of stifling things because of how it looked to others, her church friends, the neighbors, you get the idea.  That was never me. And escape was the only way out.

But as I write this, I know that there will still be days. For a time, she channeled her 4yr old self and clapped her hands asking for a huggy, then worked her way to saying "I love you" hoping I would say it back?  

Lately she's taken to grabbing my hand as if to keep me there and profusely thanking me for visiting.  But all this is decades later than when I needed it.  Now I can't say those words just because she's trying to manipulate me into saying them. As usual, its about her needs -- she needs to hear the words. 

I've learned I need to protect my peace in order to be true to myself. And if that means avoiding things because it fulfills her needs, then so be it. In the meantime, I am going to rejoice in the lower temps, take some extra walks, and enjoy this fall season!!