Resentment is something that happens with caregivers. If you're caring for a loved one, a lot of things fall back on to the caregivers. Having resentment doesn't mean you don't love or care about your loved one. Its more a byproduct of all the things going on.
It's Saturday, a day I don't do caregiving in person with mom. But it doesn't mean the day belongs to me, either. Because caregiving isn't what's done face to face for a couple hours and you're done. And that's where my resentment comes in.
Its the fact that there's never an end to the list of things to be done. Today, I have to learn how to use Zelle to pay the landscaper who is caring for mom's yard; even though her house is up for sale, it doesn't stop. Tuesday she has a dental appointment. And because she is how she is, she can't seem to handle doing anything on her own any more. I will be sitting and waiting in the dental office.
Yesterday it was an hour's conversation about selling her house and how its all going with my brother. We don't agree.
In the meantime, Mom has all day every day to think up things she wants or needs. Going into assisted living doesn't provide for all your needs. You still have to buy toiletries, and I'm mom's pack mule for all those things as well. Then there's craft supplies, puzzles, books, because she can't operate her iPad very well to do free things, like Kindle or solitaire
Its hard not to have resentment. I want to give her all the helps she needs, but then she becomes a full time job with no time limits and no retirement for me.
I have resentment over things that shouldn't matter, but does. Her grandsons are busy so she mentally excuses them from visiting. But if I am late for my scheduled visiting, she's on the phone within 15 minutes wondering why I'm not there.
If you had, or ever have, resentment when you're caregiving, go easy on yourself. Its ok to resent the details. It doesn't mean you don't love the person you're caring for.
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