So Normal, But Wrong

Its so normal, that it didn't even register to me until later.  

I visited my mom yesterday, as usual, to bring her the pile of whatevers she wanted from Walmart.  I swear, some days I'm just a pack mule hauling stuff in to her.

She looks through her bags, gets it all organized and we settle in for some TV which she continually interrupts with her litany of complaints. The most amusing one was another resident brought her remote to the dining table believing it was her phone. And then mom says "I didn't even know what to say to her."

My first thought was why do you have to say anything at all??? But I just said "how sad" and ignored the topic. Because there's no win to these convos.  

The rest of the visit was more TV and more commentary from her. She tries anything and everything to get me sucked into some kind of conversation that leaves her feeling like she made a connection. She does the same with TV shows to watch, always wanting to watch something neither of has seen. I wish she'd just watch her own programs on her own, and I tell her that all the time.

Two hours later, as I am ready to leave she uses her last tactic to draw me in by asking about my health.  I give her very basic answers and zoom out the door. 

For two hours it was all her, and when it wasn't about her, she was commenting at the tv. I never realized just how sparky she is. But always couched within a "this is how it could be better" statement.  "Nice dress but it would look better in navy"  "good throw but you should have ran with the ball".

You get the idea .... always a caveat of how it could be better, always a but at the end of a sideways compliment.  Each time I hear it, I realize I have heard that all my life.  "Your haircut is cute, but didn't you want it longer?"  Ugh.  Once you get it, its hard to not hear it any more.

Getting sucked into a convo, or leaving her feel ignored because I don't engage, there is still no win for me.  Either choice leaves me feeling like I always have to be on my guard. 

So what's new, its always been that way.