The Perfect Tree

The Perfect Tree


Every year for as many years
as I can recall, we trekked into
the Santa Cruz mountains
in search of the perfect
Christmas tree.  This one?
too tall.  That one?  Missing
a branch in the front.  Us kids
would wander and holler out
"How 'bout this one??"
We always knew whichever
tree we picked, with it all
decorated up... would anyone
ever notice if it WASN'T the perfect tree??  hehehe

There's nothing that says Christmas like the smell of a fresh pine.

"Is this the perfect tree?"

(Looks like it to me, Dad!)

One of the treats we might stop and get afterward would be ice cram cones from Marianne's.  I especially remember them having double cones so you could have a scoop of your two best flavors...

mine would always be

mint chip and chocolate chip!

mmmmmmm yummy!

Age of an Eagle

Today I turned 54 years old.... and yeah, I'm ok with it!  So many women fret about their age, and all the things that come along for the ride -- extra pounds, wrinkles, the way your body doesn't function the same way it used to --- but for the most part, I don't moan about my age.  It is what it is, and I can't change it, nor can I wish it be something else.  I never even fudge about the number, because what's the point? 

With all the hard work and exercise I've done, I opted for some portion control and had a double chocolate fudge cupcake, much like the one pictured here.  I should have taken my own picture -- but I scarfed it down before I could think about!  And yes... it was heavenly !!!!!   (If I'd bought an actual cake, I'm sure I would have eaten the whole thing! hahaha)

Otherwise, it was just an ordinary day for me.  Work was busy, I hit the gym for my 2 miles, and headed home for a crunchy chilled salad.  (When its hot, cooking just doesn't interest me!)   I've had a few phone calls from friends and family with Happy Wishes -- always real nice to hear from everyone, so thanks to all of you!! 

The old age of an eagle

is better than the youth of a sparrow.

-Greek Proverb

Grad Nite

The Year:

     1977

The Event:

     High School Graduation

and the story goes like this:

In a time before cell phones and text messages, you made arrangements before you left home if you needed to meet up with someone somewhere -- you set a time, a place ....

High school graduation is  a monumental event in most teenagers lives.  And I was no different.  After the commencement ceremony on the football field, us grads had to go to the cafeteria to turn in our robes, and collect our diplomas.  Being that there was much confusion (as there always is when there are lots of students, and even more family members crowded into one place), my parents assumed I would ride home with my boyfriend.  My boyfriend assumed I would ride home with my parents.

As I stood outside the cafeteria, watching the parade of cars pass me by -- with no one I knew in them -- soon the parking lot was nearly empty.   And I'm still standing, and waiting.  After a bit, I decided I better start walking home -- after all, I'd walked home from the high school for four years, what's one last time?  (Of course, most days for school I didn't wear a dress and platform shoes!)  I had rounded the corner of the football field, was just in front of the tennis courts when my neighbor, Mrs Martin, pulled up and asked if I wanted a ride.  I hopped right in that car, and she dropped me off at home.

Needless to say, there were a lot of laughs at home about being left behind!

My Hero

My Hero

A firm but loving touch
is what you gave to me.
You helped me learn to be strong
and stand on my two feet.
But when I needed you
You were there all of the time.
You are my dad, my hero,
And you’re the apple of my eye.

Dad, you are truly irreplaceable!
I love you :) 

Smile, even when it hurts

So today was a heck of a day!  I've been trying to get at least one thing on the house accomplished every week, because we all know that houses need maintenance.   Today's chore:  to replace the on/off valve in the master bath shower.  Getting things done is mot an easy thing to do with all that's going on.

Let me recap for you:  Brian's saga goes along.  On Tuesday, Leigha dropped by - said she was in the neighborhood - she had her daughter and her husband with her.  To meet Brian.  um, what? why?  hahaha too weird, too looney toons!   Today, she sent a text about having to go to the ER (not sure why) and Brian answered "glad you're ok".  She sent back info about the babe's heartbeat being good and strong.   Brian said "cool".  And she goes off her rocker, mad because his "cool" sounded like he didn't care.  drama drama drama. 

Dad's colonoscopy turned up colon cancer, the resection didn't happen because they found more cancer in his abdomen and on his liver.  They've done another CT scan and have now found it on his lungs.  Brave man that he is, he's gonna give chemo a try, and gets his 'port' put in on Friday.

On Thursday, my mom fell down on her morning walk, and broke her wrist.  She had her cell phone, thankfully, and Dad picked her up, took her home.  She didn't go for xrays until much later.  Yes, its broken, and she's in a large hard cast -- its sparkly purple!  *grins*  She goes back to the doctor to check progress, making sure they don't need to do surgery (heaven help us, our family doesn't need any more!).  She will wear a cast for 8 weeks total - if not more. 

When I spoke to my sister Thursday, and again today, she sounds a little stressed, so I asked if I should come up and she said yes!  So in two weeks I'm dashing up to visit family, and hopefully get some family meeting time accomplished.  Its like there's a huge pink elephant in the room and no one wants to say the wrong thing -so they avoid talking about it at all, it seems.  But now is the time to make the decisions, to make sure things are in order, to put minds at ease so Dad can be cared for in the way he wants. 

In research on the web, there are a lot of good ideas about what will happen, what needs to happen, and how to make your wishes known.  We all have our own ideas about things -- but how often do we talk about them?  My aunt and I talk about it often, she's much like me, a realist who knows that death is inevitable for all of us.  It's the circle of life.  We need to make sure that our wishes are known, so they can be carried out.  And if its planned in advance, no one is left feeling guilty about knowing if they did the right thing.

To me, it should be a celebration of life, all the way to the end. 
And making sure there are no regrets left sitting out in the open. 
Make things right with your loved ones. 
Tell them all how much you love them.
And smile. 
Always smile.
Even when it hurts.

Blue Ribbon

Am sporting my new blue ribbon,

in honor of my Dad,

who has colon cancer. 

He's always been my hero,

always will be!  

Love you Dad!  xox

Trips with Dad

Our summer vacations were often centered around a trip "home" to Minnesota to see family.  I remember one summer, late June probably, driving in the truck.  I'm thinking mid 70s probably.  We were taking a route we don't normally take somewhere in Wyoming I think.  We ended up on this remote pass through the Rockies -- there was six feet of snow on either side of the truck, and it was summer by all accounts!  (Being a kid from California, this was shocking!)  As we climbed up the steep pass, I remember Dad watching the gas gauge.  Because we were on unfamiliar roads, it was hard to say when the next gas stop was going to be.  (That was before you could ask your GPS unit!)  We crept our way up to the top, and then pretty much coasted down the backside.  Even though there were concerns about having enough gas, I was confident that Dad knew how to get us down to somewhere to get some gas.  Sure enough, at the bottom of the peak was a gas station.  A huge sigh of relief from Mom!  



I couldn't find an archived picture of it.... I'm sure there were too many worries about the drive than the scene, but it looked a lot like this one!

Geeeee, Mom!

Wow... could life get any more chaotic???

My mother walks every day.  Yesterday, she took a spill in front of the high school.  Lots of students rushed to help her, she called Dad and he picked her up. 

After xrays today -- yep, its broken, not fractured.  
*sigh*  owie!

Good thing she's right handed----

Purple sparkles suit her, though, dontcha think???

I'm glad it was nothing more serious, like a broken hip!

A Little Silliness

I think these

are keys to a good life.

Looking back on these things

will be a life well lived.


 Today's memory is a silly one:

Dad used to tell people

we were rich because we had

TWO dishwashers:

Their names were Linda and Lori! 

*giggling to myself here,
I used to get a real kick
out of hearing him tell that!*

This is the first in a series of posts "ToMyDad" --
his days on this earth may be numbered,
but each one is precious.
I'm taking time to send him something,
some kind of memory, some kind of thought,
every day in the mail.
Everyone loves snail mail, right ??
**smiles** 

How We Survive

"In everybody's life

there's a point of no return.

And in a very few cases,

a point where you can't

go forward anymore.

And when we reach that point,

all we can do is quietly accept that fact,

that's how we survive."

-Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore





I've read Kafka on the Shore several times already, and every time I read it, I find new things.  Or maybe I notice new things, based on things going on in my life.  And this line struck me today, made me think of my dad.  I'm not sure, mentally, where he's at with his situation.  But stage IV metastatic cancer isn't a really good thing.  Not only does Dad have to "quietly accept the facts" -- the rest of the family does too.  I've been so blessed in having my family around for a number of years.  My grandmother was 95 when she passed, and Gramps was 104.  My parents are mid 70s, and they've been in mostly good health.  But one thought that scares me is as the oldest, well some things will naturally fall to me.  Will I be able to step up and handle it?  This is one situation that you can't "practice" for, it just happens.  The circle of life.

Speaking of that, my friend at work, Trish had a grandson born yesterday.  Something went wrong in the pregnancy and the amniotic sac attached to his head.  Little Tony only survived 10 hours after his birth, but he wasn't expected to live at all.  She held him, sang lullabies and told family stories.  Maybe they didn't have a lot of years together, but the love was still the same, no matter what. 

When we can't go forward,
we quietly accept the facts,
that's how we survive.