The Difficult One

Some children have things very bad, like physical abuse, in their lives. Or maybe there's some kind of neglect.  But in my 20s and 30s, I tended to idealize my childhood. But later in life, I questioned all of it.  And still do.

I tended to internalize everything: feelings, thoughts, interactions. I often hid in my room to read.  Did I eat to hide emotions? I think I did that, too. It was easier to keep to myself than to risk some kind of negative reinforcement from parents (mostly mom).

I lived in the shadow of my sister, who was always friendly, smiling, and outgoing. When my brother came along and needed glasses at a very young age, he got a lot of attention as well.  

Over the years, I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone, I could do it all alone. In spite of three marriages, I found it hard to be as open as I should have been.  And that is probably true even now. 

When I saw this come across my feed, I chuckled!  And tried to figure out which of the two my brother and I were - because we weren't the golden child! 

I was probably "the difficult one". *chuckle*