The Silent Treatment

Some days I scour the internet, looking for clues, ideas, probabilities, situations like the one I'm in.  None are exact because our past relationships seem to carry forward into the now. 

There is a lot of talk about caring for elderly parents. There is a lot of talk about parents who had their own issues growing up (that probably hadn't been dealt with). You name it, and they're talking about it. 

But I keep getting sucked into the same rut in dealing with mom and can't seem to find my way out.  When I visit her, the next day I have major stomach issues. It keeps me home an entire day. 

I have tried eliminating foods, to be sure it isn't something I've eaten. I am cautious when it comes to clean hands, using sanitizer when I can so I'm not picking up some kind of germs. 

And I've concluded its my body's reaction due to stress.  I read: When stressful situations are unavoidable, focus on managing your reaction through the "4 A's": Accept the situation, Adapt your expectations, Alter what you can, and Avoid unnecessary stressors.

But I've found that for me to do those 4 As, it changes the overall mom feelings.  She's my mother, I love her, but I do not like her.  And its a lifetime of little shit.  

Here's an example from the other day. She has 2 tvs in her apt, same brand, so sometimes the remote turns on both tvs. She wheeled herself to the bathroom then hollered to me "the tv is on in the bedroom."  Being raised by her, I know that what she really means is "you turned the tv on, go turn it off".  I didn't.  When she wheeled herself out, she had to turn it off herself. After that, I got the silent treatment for the next hour as she sat working a puzzle. 

What I should have done was said "if you're going to work a puzzle, I'm going to head on home." 

Maybe I will next time.