Forgetfulness

Dear Brian:

It's been 15 days now.  The shock continues to rattle me from time to time; usually in very unexpected ways.  A small noise grabs my attention and for just a brief moment I wonder if you're coming home, and then it hits me all over again, no, you're not coming home. 

I've always liked feeling as if I'm in control of things -- yes, I know, it's mostly an illusion, but still!!  And being rattled and remembering all over again that you're gone just hasn't been sitting too well with how I want things to be, or rather the expectations I have of myself.

There's a lot of hype about being "present in the moment" because in general, most of us have so many different things going on in life between work and family and home, that we forget to just enjoy *the now*.  But I'm finding that I'm so *in the present* that I can't seem to remember things I need to be remembering!  Did I take my morning meds?  Did I lock the front door?  Did I leave Sadie fresh water?  I am actually doing these things, but after doing them, I can't seem to recall that I did them.  The short term memory isn't functioning as it should.  I'm sure it'll come back in time.  If it doesn't, I'll have to think of retiring! ha!

Grandma and Lori arrive today, and it will be good to see them, to have family around.  The rest will come in on Friday.  My store manager, Tom, told me he would like to attend your Celebration of Life.  It will be ... odd ... having all these different sectors of life be in one place: your work people, my work people, family, acquaintances.  By Sunday, I'll have had my fill;  if you were around, we'd be sitting out on the back patio and talking about how people-y all this has been! 

So if your spirit is hanging around, I'll tell you all about it when I'm sitting out there with Sadie.

Love you!
Mom