When there is a sudden death in a family, the world seems to change. It's no exception for me; looking answers that can never be found no matter how many scraps of paper you find to read.
But what's fun is finding things you didn't realize were there: old reports from high school, or a paper that's "All About Me". The only thing I haven't located that I thought I had was his first guitar lesson book; it was handwritten notations of the songs he was learning, either AC DC or Ozzy. hehehe
As for the rest of the people who's lives Brian touched, I'm sorry, but I have no answers for you. And I don't care to the be "monkey in the middle" of whatever your relationship with him consisted of. My son was a grown man, and made his own decisions. If he had trouble with a decision, he knew he could always ask me anything. He often chose not to.
I had to finalize an invite for a "Celebration of Life" service and get a copy over to Home Depot. While it was "work" and a job, he enjoyed working at HD; the store manager and associates have been very helpful and comforting.
All the little details that need to be taken care of, and frankly, I'm finding that my brain is scattered in a thousand directions at a time, without focusing very well on any one thing. Today was my first day off work, home alone. I started laundry, then forgot about it. I vacuumed one room, then abandoned it for something else. I changed the sheets on the bed .... ok, I took the dirty sheets off the bed and all day my bed has been un-made. I realize that I'm not functioning on all cylinders for now; being aware is helpful, I keep a notebook and pen with me at all times so I can write things down.
By 2pm, I realized I hadn't had any water yet, and had to sit down.
That's pretty much how my day has gone.
At the last minute, UPS brought an envelope addressed to Brian, his final paycheck.
Sometimes, I'm very grateful to have a job to go to, ordinary tasks that need to be done, that have nothing to do with my "home life".
No comments:
Post a Comment