The New Normal

Dear Brian,

Here it is, Monday noon, and life is back to normal -- or rather the new normal.

Your passing has left holes in all our lives.  A friend of mine told me that he thought when someone died, we missed them.  But in reflection, when someone dies, they take a piece of us with them.  And you took a huge chunk of me; there's a hole in my heart that can't be filled by anyone else but you.  Not that I want that spot filled by anyone else -- no one else could take your place.  You were my little boy, and my handyman.  You were a light in my life, and the reason I was doing things the way I was doing things.

It was my plan to pay off the house, leaving you a home to live in.  If I had my way, there would also be monies to take care of the things that need to be taken care of.  The house was in a perfect location for many reasons.  But now, I'm up in arms about what to do.  I won't be making any choices or decisions for a while because I'm tired of making decisions.

Your Dad .... has made inquiries about decisions to be made.  I've reached my limit and he's going to have to be patient with the rest of them is what I've told him.  It was very nice of him to host a BBQ for the entire family, mostly mine!, but it was also awkward in ways for me.  I guess it will always be that way because while you were the touchstone we had in common, none of the rest of our life events crossed paths.

Just a few of the thoughts that buzz through my mind.
No matter the reasons, I loved you then, I love you still.
Mom