My mom's latest thing started a couple weeks ago. She had a nurse call me at 5am Saturday morning and tell me they think she needs to go to the hospital because she hasn't peed in two days. First, I knew she peed Thursday around 3pm, I was there. So by Saturday 5am wasn't "two days". I chose to let it ride, wait it out, see what happens. Nothing did.
Then on Sunday night, a week later, a text saying she needs to go to the hospital because her toe is painful, possibly infected. Again, I chose to ignore this because ... ugh.
Part of me wonders if this her "new thing", a hospital threat to get my attention? To get me to come see her?? *sigh* I don't call, text or run over every time she has a "need". I can't. It's too hard on my own life to deal with the constant stress of her every complaint. When she lived alone, I would. I did. Sometimes I was already in bed, but got up, drrssed, packed an overnight bag and went over.
That ended now that she pays to have staff around. It doesn't stop her from calling or texting with every little worry. Rather than being honest with her nurses, she waits until I can handle what needs to be handled.
I'm changing that dynamic. She doesn't like it much.
I've wondered from time to time if she tries to rationalize it in her mind: I took care of Dad in the end, and I took care of Sis. Why can't you take care of me? What she doesn't understand is that neither of them were complainers, nor were they picky. She is. And that's the difference.
I know there will be a day when its a real call about a hospital visit - a fall, trouble breathing, etc - and the facility will have her moved. And to combat that, I have a "go bag", along with necessary paperwork.
In the meantime, I struggle with creating boundaries and sticking to them while she creatively finds ways to break them down.
Th struggle is real. Loving a parent is not the same thing as being their caregiver.
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