Love is a Verb

I moved fron Santa Clara, Cali to Ohio in 1998, away from Mom.  I moved my mom from Santa Clara, Cali to Arizona in 2022, close to me.  

And it wasn't until last year that I finally realized that I'm a much happier person away from her.  

She had some trauma in her childhood, and has never dealt with it.  It affected our growing up years without it being recognized.  And its affecting her as she ages.  It comes out in odd ways.  

I have been reading about childhood trauma and their effects as they are adults.  And there are many opinions and different "how tos". Today I read something that really struck me.   For emotionally immature parents, love is a noun.  The feeling is there. But love is a verb.  Say it, show it, do it.  Being there for your kids shows them your love.  

And I just couldn't get that out of my head. When parents withhold showing their love, it trickles down to kids, grandkids, etc.

Why do I keep going down this road? I can't change my childhood, and there won't be any "fixing" because for my mom, there isn't a problem.  

I have never considered this as a root of problems, but sometimes just knowing adds a level to my patience and acceptance.