Blue on Black

I thought all day about how to describe how I was feeling.  blue.  definitely blue.  But "blue on black" seemed so much more closer to the truth.  Not just blue, but falling into that black abyss where its difficult to come back from.

If you've never heard Kenny Wayne Shepherd's version of the song "Blue on Black" (link here) have a listen.  It's poignant. 

"Blind, oh, now i see 

Truth, lies, and in between. 

Wrong, cant be undone
Oh slipped, from the tip of
Your tongue....

Whisper on a stream

doesn't change a thing

don't bring you back

Blue on Black."

I think I listened to this about six times today on my headphones.  It had just the right sound for me.  Life definitely hurts right now.  But I've survived so much already...  maybe its more like a speed bump and not a major abyss.  Hard to say at this point.  

Knowing... or realizing, perhaps, that I am at this sort of point helps.  Recognition is the first step... or is it admission?  Either way, knowing helps.  I wanted to drown myself in a sea of chocolate, but that's very bad for the progress I've already made.  So I satisfied myself with a half dozen mini Reese cups.  Just enough for the comfort, not enough to do damage.   

After work I just wanted to head home, curl up and hibernate away from the world.  But I didn't allow that either.  I walked to my car, and saw my gym back in the back seat and thought, "nope, not gonna let this thing win."  I hopped on that treadmill and gave it my all... 2 miles in 31 minutes.  Yes! That felt really good.  And I needed something to make me feel good!!  Can't wait til Weigh In Weds to see if I've made any progress this week.  Four days away from the gym over a long weekend and you sure notice it!

The hardest part of the day will be from 7-9pm. 

and getting real sleep.

I'll keep you posted.