The Bottom Line

I want to be important to someone.

I want to know that I matter.

That's always been the bottom line.

I thought I'd found that.

"Frog, you gonna be all right?"

"Yeah.  I'm always all right."

~Smokey and the Bandit

I've always called myself a survivor.  I've always been able to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and do whatever needed to be done.  But I had young kids depending on me int he past; I needed to do what was right, in order to do what's best for them.  Somehow, it feels different this time being a "survivor".  Because I don't have to be.  I can allow myself the freedom to do nothing, to wallow if I choose.  I'm not that type, usually, but I could be.  

"How about you, are you all right?"

"Oh, I'm always all right."

"Is 'All right' special time-lord code for... 
not really all right at all?"

 "Why?"

"Because I'm all right too. " 

 ~Dr Who

Some folks who know me, have told me that I'm a strong person, that I have confidence.  And I beg to differ.  Maybe they say that because they see me taking action.  For a long time, I've lived my life with the credo that sometimes its better to make a decision and act on it, even if its the wrong decision, rather than do nothing and wish later that you had.  That being said, I'm also a firm believer when it comes to making decisions that you weigh it all out before deciding. And if you haven't decided by the end of the day, sleep on it one night; the answer may come to you by morning.  Maybe even in a dream. 

 A strong woman knows how 
to keep her life in line. 
With tears in her eyes, 
she still manages to say, 
“Nah, I’m fine.”

I've made my share of mistakes along the road of life.  The worst ones having to do with relationships.  Perhaps that's because relationships are based on emotion and not upon facts.  And yet, all things considered, would I do it differently?  Even in bad situations, there are good aspects, good moments, to keep in your memory bank.  Even if you loved them wholly, and they didn't love you back in the same way.

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be all right

~Keith Urban, You'll Think of Me